Why Worry?

Well, I have been able to get up a little more today, but the condition in my eye is back (uveitis). I try not to focus on the unknown because I will admit I get anxious about a lot of things, but I need to honestly say I am scared and a little frustrated. I have high and low points each day.....i become super optimistic and then the reality of my "ailments" kicks in and the "what if's" start hitting me hard. I hurt and I am tired, emotionally and physically. I still have a lot of doctors to see and so many conflicting, but scary diagnoses.

I found theses scriptures about worry and anxiety...I try to claim them for myself and I hope they will help some of you...



“An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up” (Proverbs 12:25, NIV).

“I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears” (Psalm 34:4).

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:6-7) (Also see Psalm 55:22-23)

“Then Jesus said to his disciples: ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?’” (Luke 12:22-26, NIV). (Also see Matthew 6:25-34)

“Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God” (Psalm 42:5).

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones” (Proverbs 3:5-8).

“…the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:26-28).

“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).

“I can do everything through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13).

The apostle Paul found his strength in God, He reminds us that, “I …have …been in prison …frequently, been flogged …severely, and been exposed to death again and again. Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. …I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. …Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn? If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness. …I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. …[God] said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 11:23-12:10).

“So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?’” (Hebrews 13:6).

“…put your hope in the LORD both now and forevermore.” (Psalm 131:1)
Also read: Psalm 139:1-23

The possible causes of anxiety and fear are many: Conflict, health problems, dangerous situations, death, unmet needs, spiritual problems, false beliefs, etc.
“According to the Bible, there is nothing wrong with realistically acknowledging and trying to deal with the identifiable problems of life. To ignore danger is fooling and wrong. But it is also wrong, as well as unhealthy, to be immobilized by excessive worry. Such worry must be committed to prayer to God, who can release us from paralyzing fear or anxiety, and free us to deal realistically with the needs and welfare both of others and of ourselves.” (Dr. Gary R. Collins, Christian Counseling, p. 66.)
Some general, common sense suggestions for those weighed down with fear, anxiety or worry…

SIN IN YOUR LIFE - Sometimes fear and anxiety are the result of one’s own sin and guilt. If you have committed a sin or done anything evil, your fear and anxiety is probably God and your own conscience trying to get your attention. You need to repent, confess your sin, seek God’s forgiveness, and set it right.
SLEEP - Humans generally need 8 or 9 hours of sleep per day. Sleep deprivation can increase anxiety. Get enough rest. If you cannot sleep, you may need to seek God’s help and perhaps that of a physician.
BE MORE REALISTIC - Many people are worried and anxious about events that will never actually will happen to them. Relax. Focus on today. Take life one day at a time.
LISTEN to relaxing, soothing music. There is some great Christian music available that can help you focus on God and leave your fears and worries behind. It may also help to listen to good Christian speakers and teachers.
FUN - If at all possible, do something that you enjoy. It is good to get some recreation on a regular basis. Take a break. Get your mind off your fears and worries, and have some fun.
TALK to someone. Don’t hold all the anxiety inside. It can be a big relief to share your fears and worries with someone else -- a friend, relative, pastor or counselor. If fear and anxiety is an ongoing problem in your life, schedule a regular time each week to talk with someone.
TAKE ACTION - If there is something practical and wise that you can do to alleviate the problem or avoid needless danger, take action. Don’t put it off. Procrastination will generally raise your anxiety level.
EXERCISE - Medical studies show that exercise can help lower anxiety. If you are healthy enough to exercise, try it. Regular brisk walks, running, swimming or other exercises can be a real stress reducer.

There is just something about a mama....

"Dear God, Please help my mama get well because grandmama really wants to go home..." That was Jadyn's prayer last night that made all of us smile. Yes, thank God for my mama....Jadyn is right, grandmama wants to get home, but she is so wonderful to help us through this difficult time. My mom has shown me even more the kind of mom I want to be....she just does whatever needs to be done without even being asked or complaining. I know once I had my girls, the reality of how much I can love someone was so amazing and it continues to get better and better. WOW....and how much more does our God love us? That is something I can't even comprehend, but throughout this time in which God has commanded me to "Be Still", it has been on my mind. He loves me more than I can imagine and doesn't like to see his children hurt....Thank you God for being the ultimate physician, my healer....



I am able to get up some today and am just praying for increased strength and stamina....The bible study I recently joined was called "If God is in Control, Then Why Do I Have a Headache?". Pretty ironic since i have spent the past several weeks with an excruciating headache and had to miss the majority of the group study. What I have learned is how much I need to take care of my body....Eating the things God intended for us to eat, resting, exercising, and taking time for my spiritual health....Please continue to pray for strength in all these areas.

Identity Crisis

Well, I am still struggling with just sitting up and dealing with extreme vertigo ...thank you for continued prayers because I am encouraged to know I am not alone. With all this time to sit and think, I have come to realize how much it bothers me that "sickness" can become a person's identity. I do not choose to be sick, but I am choosing to get well. You know, I have had a lot of health issues even as a baby, that again were out of my control, and it has always been an issue with me as far as "being embarrassed" by it. I have always been so concerned with people thinking of me as "sickly" and it is hard to really let people in on how I feel because I have such weird, random stuff. It is something I have had to learn to deal with....my mom always encourages me by reminding me that despite they way I feel, I always enjoy life and do not let it get me down. This time - i have been knocked on my butt. Everyone in my family is so supportive except for one....not in my immediate family, but rather someone who chooses not to look past my smiles and see that i am really hurting, but rather in an accusatory way assume that "I am not really sick". Who would want to miss out on all the special stuff going on around them to feel pain and total helplessness? I am still a wife, a friend, a mommy, a prayer warrior.....so, i want to avoid the "label" as "always sick". You know, when you describe a person it is something like, "the sweet one, the blonde one, etc....", but as someone in a health crisis.....not to be known as "the sick one".

the sickness drama

Ok, so this all started almost 3 weeks ago when, just like the rest of the world, i began running a fever and getting achy. So, the assumption....something viral from the little ones. Anyway, I really developed very little other symptoms, but after 3 days felt so blah that i decided to stop at an urgent care clinic after work. At this point, my fever was at 102.7 and all i wanted to do was lay down, but the doctor quickly did a few tests and informed me "You are a very sick young girl" stating that i had a severe kidney infection that if untreated could cause serious issues like kidney failure. He gave me a shot of antibiotics and would not let me leave until someone came to drive me. I was told to go to the hospital if things worsened. SO, Seth came to get me and within an hour, I was in the hospital with a fever of 104.8. Well, as bad as I felt, i told the above story and the ER doctor did the same tests and informed me the kidneys were perfectly fine, gave me tylenol, and sent me on my way. without figuring out what the fever was from....very sad that within one hour 2 doctors have 2 totally different opinions....well, i went home and continued to feel crappy. After running fever for 7-8 days, i realized the vision in my left eye was dim. When I looked in the mirror, my left pupil was huge and my right was not....back to the dr the next day, still not sure where the fever was from, but concerned about the left eye....sent me to the ophthamologist ASAP. So, when i saw the eye dr, he wanted me admitted immediately due to a condition in the eye called uveitis and optic neuritis....he was concerned because of my history of lyme's disease.
Seth took me to downtown Herman Hospital where I was admitted for evaluation. Tons of stuff done including a spinal tap ...the conclusion, my lyme's disease and a different autoimmune disorder which is complicated, but deals with a genetic marker HLA-B27. So, after the spinal tap, i followed instructions to lay flat "forever", but still developed a "spinal headache" which is excruciating pain with sitting up, but improves with lying down. It has been 9 days since the tap and i still can't get up for more than a couple of minutes at a time. After the tap, i could not hear well out of my right ear and developed severe vertigo so I then saw the ENT doctor.....well, it looks like my eardrum burst from the spinal tap and now has a large hole which will require surgery later on.
I did go for a "blood patch" several days ago where they inject my blood into the spinal cord to try and close the leak from the previous tap, but it does not seem to have worked.
So, i have been lying flat for almost 3 weeks and it is so hard physically and mentally....my mom has stayed with us some, but Seth is working and taking care of the girls too. It is so sad not to be able to play with them and to see them get sad for me. Jadyn prays for me all the time and last night my heart broke as she sat next to me, folded her hands, and prayed "Dear God, please don't make my mom be dying because she is the best mommy in the world." A three year old, tears fell because the Lord knows the thought of ever leaving my girls is devasating...i was at an emotional low after that. I went upstairs and closed myself in a room to just sob....have you ever prayed so much you just had nothing left to say. Thanks to all my friends, I knew i had tons of prayer out there for me. As Star said, let my friends fight for me....As I lay there sobbing, I asked God for a sign of encouragement....within minutes I heard someone say "Whitney"...assuming it was Seth, I said "What"..."It is Tray, can I come in" ( Tray is a friend, neighbor, and pastor). I was totally caught off guard and said"No, Not right now please" and he said "OK, I just wanted to come over to let you know I love you". As he went back downstairs to be with Seth and the girls, I realized that message was from God. Tray didn't know what was going on, but God told him to come over and talk with me because I needed prayer. He and his wife are amazing that way.
So, I appreciate the continued prayers because it is hard for me to accept help, but I need it and my family needs it. As my buddies are all together in Fort Worth this weekend just being together, i lay here in the same spot missing my friends, the playtime with my kids, dates with my hubby, and yes....I even miss being able to get up and clean my house. I can get up for a few minutes, but then have to lay down....how long can this go on? No One really knows, but may last several weeks and i am praying for a full speedy recovery.
I have been bad about returning emails and calls, but i want to talk to everyone....just hoping to feel better soon. I miss seeing friends as well. Besides my mom, stepdad, Seth, my girls, Kurt and Angela, Kathy, and my awesome brother in law ( who i only got to see one day while he was here from Iraq)....i have been pretty secluded. My mom and stepdad have been awesome with the girls and even forfeit their vacation to Colorado just to help us out.....
One if the songs that has really helped me through this is my profile song by Mercy Me "Bring the Rain"...Listen if you get a chance...
So, be ready, when i can get up again, i may just come visit everyone because i am going to have so much energy wound up from lying down so long....