Update...

Why are kids so stinkin cute?!!!!! My girls get bigger and sweeter everday....Jadyn has become the "teacher" around here lately....we have school, karate class, Yoga class, you name it and she teaches it :) She was making her daddy do push ups....Cady, well ,you just have to experience Cady's sweetness....a cuddle bunny who gives the best hugs and smoochies, but who can "hold her own" with her sister....she can pack a punch :)

Things are moving right along, we are on a waiting list for me to go to the Mayo clinic in Florida, but I am still praying about whether that is the right decision....physically and mentally tired of all the tests, but i want to do what God wants me to do. Praise is that the numbness is getting better :)

Speific prayer requests:
Relief from headaches and body pain - improvement in breathing.
Wisdom in regards to our next step and whether or not to wean off some meds
Strength for me as I do my daily routine and attempt to start back to work in February...slowly.
Financial stress on our family
Seth....he needs strength, rest, and wisdom.
The girls....just for good health and peace through all that is going on.

AND YES....A MIRACLE FOR COMPLETE HEALING AND RESTORATION!

I just don't feel like it

I wanted to let everyone know that I have really just not felt like writing, but i got some news today that the scarring on my lungs has worsened, i have something called dysautonomia ( my blood pressure is too low and my pulse is alternating between as low as 45 and then up to 120 from just standing up), and i have new spots on my brain that were not there weeks ago. You know, I do not feel good and yes I am terrified, but so many things in my life are beautiful. Please keep being my prayer warriors and pray for Seth because he is exhausted physically and mentally too. The girls, sweet as ever, but they are smart and know things are a little different right now. These were the kisses I got to start out the New Year....I won't post the one from my hubby :)

What keeps me going

The days seem harder and i just have to THANK GOD for family and friends....

Happy Holidays!!!

I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday....with everything going on, it has been harder to get inot the "typical holiday spirit", but I realized this could be a good thing. Really, all I NEED to remember is "Jesus is the reason for the seaason". Jesus's birth was a miracle and I am expecting a Christmas miracle this year :)

Thank you to everyone who continually prays for us and goes above and beyond to make sure my family is taken care of. We appreciate it soooo much.

The latest, i am home for two days walking around with a contraption on my head to monitor seizure activity. I get to take it off tomorrow. I still have significant numbness in my hands and feet. The recent "diagnosis" includes a seizure disorder, vasculitis, blood clotting disorder, and an autoimmune dysfunction. You know what, i am not accepting that "there is nothing that can be done" because God can do anything he wants (thanks Aaron) and he knows my needs. I am accepting his healing and working on perseverence.

Well, if all is well, Seth and I are taking the girls for an overnight trip tomorrow night to Moody Gardens to "get away" and be back Christmas eve to really concentrate on what the true meaning of Christmas is. The girls are excited about Jesus's birthday......and santa coming too. Keep us in your prayers as you are all in mine.

I hope you get all you want for Christmas - all I want is my health :)

The truth hurts

What am I thinking today - well, I am frustrated and can not understand why each day seems to bring more negative....I still have my positives - My girls, husband, friends, and family......but man, this is hard. Emotionally, physically, and spiritually this is a challenge and although I know in my heart God will never give me more than I can handle, I sure feel close. I found out yesterday that my brain MRI showed some changes that suggest a condition called vasculitis. This is an inflammation of blood vessels which can cause a clot to any organs in the body and cause some very serious consequences. My main symptom right now is numbness in my hands and feet which may sound petty, but can be very annoying and scary. I still have a lot of shortness of breath as well.

I want to scream "why", but I know God has a reason for everything and I should not have the "poor me" mentality. I am so thankful for each moment I get to play with the girls, but scared of what the future holds. Sorry, if this is negative, but it is real life emotion and not "What I should be feeling". It gets hard to pretend everything is ok after awhile.

Where have I been?

Well, first things first......NYC Baby!!!!! Yes, Praise God that he gave me enough strength physically and mentally to meet one of my goals of being able to go on a previously planned weekend getaway to NYC with Lorren. And if you ask Lorren, she would tell you my stamina was up as we joked about the "marathon" I ran trying to see all the sights in just 2 days.....or maybe it was just to keep me warm in the cold weather :) We got to stay on Times Square, eat NY pizza, go to Rockefeller center, take a carriage ride in Central Park, experience a NY cab ride (no, we did not find the "Cash Cab"), waved to the family on a webcam at 46th and Broadway, take a 2 hour boat cruise around Manhattan , see the Statue of Liberty, Ground Zero, Mary Poppins on Broadway, eat a NY hot dog, shop, have a few Starbucks, and just truly "take it all in". It is amazing how God can use something so "simple" to help with my healing. First, I got to be with one of my best friends in the whole world who I could talk to and not feel judged, I got to see more of the magnificent world he created, I got to laugh often, and funny enough....I think the message I got through "Mary Poppins" was the most profound. YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE IT!!!!!!

I was in the hospital just days before the trip again trying to figure out just what is causing what, which medicines are helping and which are hurting, and just trying to get some answers. I still have a lot of unknown and need a lot of prayer - if everyone could join me in praying for a MIRACLE. Specifically, I still have a lot of fatigue, "seizure spells", numbness in hands and feet, depression/anxiety, an unknown skin rash on my legs (which I will be seeing a dr for this week), and general flu like symptoms. I am so thankful for everyone praying for me because there are days when I am optimistic and then there are days I am discouraged and feel like I have nothing left to pray. I am also thankful for my husband and kids....what a blessing!!!! God had this planned and he gave me a husband who is so patient and loving and kids who know just the moment to "melt my heart" and make me smile. Please also pray for my patience.....in two ways - patience to wait on God's timing in the cure of my disease and patience to handle a 2 and 3 year old. I want to be the mom I am supposed to be and as much as I love those girls, I feel like I let them down when I can't be there for them like I want to be. You know, it is funny because as little as they are - God allows them to "be there for me".

Apologies

Well, a couple of apologies....first, sorry for the lack of blog posts and second, sorry for the lack of returned calls, emails, etc

I would not be honest if I did not admit that I am struggling physically and emotionally. This is a place I have never "been " before and I am trying to stay positive...thank you for your continued prayers.